Its hard to say good bye to true love…

She waited excited like a child queueing to get their favourite ice cream at the Fan Park after a day of fun filled activities. As the train drove into the platform…her heart picked its pace and as it came to a halt she felt it stop for a second. Doors flew open and she watched turning her head in all directions confused from which door he would pop out.

The masses of people alighting with their luggage and exiting the train station made the search more difficult.

The  train doors closed and the train left the platform in a whisk . She had not sighted him yet and waves of panic set in. Its then she felt her phone, which was in her hands vibrate and on the display, it showed his name.

To be continued

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Looking through the broken mirror-Can I trust you again?

Every day I find another way of loving you but what beats me down is getting just one way to trust you again.
Trust is like a mirror they say, once broken it can never be pieced up together. Not only is it impossible to get these pieces into their original form, in these broken pieces there is no one whole piece only distorted images.
I am now looking through the broken glasses and all I see are unclear images, so confusing but still being mirrored back. Strange they are to me, my eyes refuse to fathom this reality, memories that linger in my mind are those that remind me of the full and clear images.
Images full of wide and warm smiles and of eyes full of tears from laughter. The new images are a complete opposite of this, broken pieces reflect many images and many images all at once for that matter. Showing each their own truths of brokenness, hurt, fear…, disturbing reflections they are. These images are not only strange but the person being reflected in them is strange to me. Strange images and a stranger too looking back at me through the  broken mirror!
Every unclear image a reminder of the trust that has been broken. Sometimes the pieces are big enough and clear enough but since I cannot see the full image, I close my eyes to block the new  unique and strange image that I see.
Conversations and fights between the perfect, clear image memories and the new unique and strange images. Blame and acquisition game, can I trust you again, trust to love you, trust to love others, trust to  give  me and you another chance. Can I trust to forgive, to forget, to let go and maybe just to trust?To believe this is a new chapter, new trust, new images.
Can I trust you to believe even the broken pieces have their unique beauty? Look into the broken mirror and believe the eyes looking back want a second chance to prove they are human and bond to error but their willing to learn..Can I trust you to show me how to trust again and see beauty in the broken pieces and enjoy peace in the chaos of reflections?
The fact that I once in awhile look at the broken mirror and have a glimpse of the reflected images shows a mere chance that in me there is still the hope, effort and willingness to trust you. Trust I can love this new way of trusting between us.  Trust you can love me, trust you can love us, trust you can love the new, trust the decisions you make, Trust..Trust. Can I trust you dear heart to decide what ist best for US?!
Learning bit by bit everyday to love and see beauty in the images being reflected by the broken mirror.

Starring into love

 

Maybe it was the smile, maybe it was her eyes but something about her caught his eye…He didn’t know what exactly it was so he found himself looking at her again to find out what it was. Then he gazed to where she was and before he knew it he was starring at her. She turned around as if she felt his stare on her and she caught him absent minded starring at her.
He fought the urge to ask her for her number and instead asked about her event. He heard her little voice answer back and she in her quick tone and art of speaking give him the details…
To be continued…

Saying good bye to love

With heavy hearts they planned their good bye meeting.
He was very withdrawn and didn’t even want to talk about it. He wanted to push those thoughts as far away from his mind as he could.
She on the other hand planned with tears and a heartache. Her heart ached from the memories of the short and wonderful moments they had shared and for the beautiful future she envisioned with both of them in it but they couldn’t and were sadly not going to have it.
Since it was their last time together, she wanted it to be good and something to remember…
As she packed her bags, she was thoughtful and selected all she was taking with her for the good bye trip carefully. She kept in mind she didn’t want their last moments to be only made of tears but a celebration of love that was special and unique.
She choose different black dresses for the strong black love they shared and had the opportunity to get to know and to enjoy. Black for the sadness of saying goodbye to love. Black because what they had will or is to be categoried as wrong yet it felt right and so good.
Black for the dark winter cold days that her heart and body will go through because of the good bye
Then a black and white short blazer…for the pureness of truely loving each other. The colours standing for the mixture of emotions between what is right and what is wrong, celebrating love or mourning it’s death. The shortness of the blazer for the short and intense experiences they had.
Grey pullover, jumpsuit, lingerie, massage gel, sex toys, fitness gear, dancing shoes, high heels, candels,….
She couldn’t wait for him to get to their good bye haven so she decided to leave and meet him half way.
They embraced,  kissed and held to each other tightly. Then they looked into each others eyes. The eyes that said more than what the mouth could utter. It was more and way beyond than love… He then smiled… yes that smile that got the best of her… She called him her eye candy… this smile always sparked something in her.. she couldn’t really put a finger on it, she didn’t know exactly what it was about the smile… but the smile calmed her, it made her happy and when she was happy so was he. Hand in hand they walked in silence allowing their hearts to make the sad and happy conversations.
She turned the music on and put the speaker on. Their love was celebrated in many things that they shared but more in their love for music and dance…They danced, sang along before they knew it they were dancing and singing to their own tune, beat, rhythm and sound of love making…They lay quietly listening to the music from the speaker. A tune got them back to their feet. He led her through a schuffle step dance routine and they shuffled to the song catching the beautiful images of their naked bodies in the mirror they smiled at each other…He sat down and watched her dance. His imagination took the wheel…He at times wondered how explosive this love would be…explosive and expressive in all sorts of positive manner of emotions, feelings, ideas…He had never felt with any woman he was with what he felt for her…He was sure from the first time he saw her and heard her speak, she was special in a way… and they had a special bond. He at times felt she was the female version of him. Does she even understand how much he loves her? Love was even an under statement for the statisfaction he felt when he was with her. Did she even know how much he desired her, how much he cares for her?!! He had cracked his head several times of how he could make this work. He wanted her to be his and yet he knew it was not fare to tag her along, he had to let her go. He wanted her to be happy, she deserved it, even if it meant he couldn’t have her. He was so jealous of the man who would be hers. The man would be more than lucky to get brains, character and beauty…she was the whole package, finished and ready. He sometimes wished he knew they would meet, he would have waited, love like this was worth waiting for!! And this was their good bye…she wanted them to cut off contact completely, he on the other hand made it clear, it would bother him  actual the thought of just cutting everything off hurt him. He wished to know how she was doing. In the past he thought of her when he was idle and relaxed but since that first touch and kiss, it just took a song, or some certain things that triggered his thoughts to think, remember and yarn to be with her. He knew they had to cut down on so much so that she could have space to get to know another…..
She danced and caught him in mid thought, pulled him up and standing on her toes kissed him on the lips and led him to the bathroom with her.
As it was their tradition when they meet for a rend vous they took a shower together. Holding tightly to each other as water flowed, a spark of desire and want was ignited in them. Each giving and not holding back. Water pouring from above, tears flowing, rivers of arousal, their spark turned into a flame that not even the water could put out. They burned in emotions of love held back and love that was about to be put to an end but fought back. A flame of love that didn’t deserve to die.
As he rocked her, he felt her become calm, looking into her eyes he saw something he had never seen… A mixture of emotions that broke his heart…she wanted him to be part of her life forever, she was broken, her body wanted him to leave his seed in her…A seal, maybe a proof for their love. He fought the urge to do so. He just didn’t want her to be alone, when they came. He would have gladly raised them with her but it wasn’t possible. They had talked about it before and he had said he would gladly give her his seed. Now he felt it wasn’t right to miss out in bringing up the witnesses of their love. Flesh and bones of their own. Not that he doubted she couldn’t do it well alone on the contrary he knew she would do a perfect job. .. it was he just didn’t want to miss out.  They spoke with their eyes, he tried explaining without words looking deeply into her eyes as he rocked her gently and kissed her… His no broke her and he felt her sadness. That was the hardest thing for him to do say no to her and causing her pain was like stabbing himself. He covered her and kissed her the kiss that was to send her to sleep.
He put some music on and worked. She listened and sobbed under the sheets, sad but aroused, she shook and fell asleep to the music.
She woke up to his singing…Such a lovely voice he had. She watched him from the bed…her eye candy..some few minutes ago she had just orgasimed in waves with tears before falling asleep. He felt her eyes on his back and turned and smiled at her. “You have a lovely voice” she told him and he blushed. Everytime spent together, she learnt something new about him and got more deep in love with him.
She quickly pulled over her head to cover her nakedness the oversized T-SHIRT bodly written -NOT FOR SALE. Yes not for sale,  if love could be sold or bought theirs wouldn’t have a price. No price high or low would equate the value of what they risked to allow what they feel for each other blossom. This love could neither be sold nor be bought. The price they now have to pay to give up what they proved did exist to save all those around them pain. The sacrifice and price of self denial for the price of being responsible. No currency had the value or could buy the pain of loving another and not being able to have them. Nothing of value could be traded to ease the pain of their love that was their only regret.
She packed him some sandwich, juice and water and carried his briefcase to the door. He paced up and down at the other end knowing once he left, he was never going to see her again.
As he approached the door she placed the things down and held him tight. Their hearts beat a sad beat. They kissed and as he hugged her. She said a silent prayer for him before he let go and walked out of the door…Her heart ripped from her chest went with him.
She closed the door and cried till no tears could flow. A loss like this she had never known before…she said good bye to true love.

Letting go

Have you ever had to let go of the one you love although you still love them?

Letting go of all the beautiful memories and the future plans that won’t be.

Letting go of  burning love to avoid the love flames from consuming and causing destruction.

I am letting go to a love so young, love so true, love so innocent, love that is so caring, love that is so fulfilling, love that is satisfying, love that is unique, love that is genuine and real …

I am letting go yet I love

I am letting go yet I desire

I am letting go so that noone is hurt

I am letting go before hate divides us

I am letting go with a heavy heart.

I am letting go of my soulmate and my true love…my other half

How does one even let go when they are still in love

New lessons for my broken heart and many tears for my cried out eyes

A heart that had no plan to love and now has to learn to unlove what it had come to love

Letting go when you love is not easy.

It feels like self punishment . . self torture

Any one who has loved or is in love, will never understand why I choose to let go yet I love …it makes no sense and beats logic…so wierd but yet it’s the right thing to do

Sometimes you have to learn to hurt by letting go so that new things can blossom.

Letting go when you love is the highest level of selflessness, putting others before you

Am letting go and I can’t stop crying as I do

Maybe the tears of letting go will carry me away from this pain

Maybe one day, I will look back and be proud that I let go

Maybe one day it will make sense that I loved and still let go

Maybe one day I will look back and realise it was a good decision to let go

Maybe one day what I let go will come back and be mine to keep

Maybe letting go is loving more and loving truely …

To be continued…

My walk through the park

I have been blessed with the opportunity to walk through a park on my way to work
As I enter this heaven of trees my heart fills up with joy and energy
As if nature hears my joy, it responds to my positive vibe
Salutation from the trees, as a cool morning wind gently whips over my face
and the leaves shake as if their dancing to an unknown tune
My ears blessed with nature’s own melody, I hear the birds chirping their good morning salutation
The squirrels criss cross my path wagging their fury tails.
A bird flys just right before me flapping it’s wings fast
Amazed at how many animals have found a home in this heaven
I smile and the sun’s every beautiful rays make there way through the forest canopy and warm my smiling face.
The feeling so good I close my eyes to embrace it
I breath in the fresh purified air from mother nature and I feel my lungs explode with joy
My nostrils catch the sweet scent of the beautiful flowers
and my eyes open up to catch a glimpse of the wonderful array
of the beautiful flowers with all the colours of the rainbow.
I hear a dog’s bark, which is being taken for a morning walk by its owner.
We smile at each other as each of us goes our way.
What a wonderful way to start a morning with a walk through the park.
At the end of the park is my office, I step in so greatful for this energising walk.
The day comes to an end and no matter how stressful it was, a  walk in the park heals my over worked brain
I close the door and start my walk through the park
The park now full of a day’s activities,
people walking through it, others strolling or playin with their dogs, others sitted with their loved ones on the benches, some riding their bikes
I observe all this and  take the path with less activities.
I see the squirrels hurrying up to get into their safe places before darkness sets in. They stop in their tracks and gaze at me as if saying good bye.
I hear the birds chirping good night lullabies.
I close my eyes and let the red setting  rays of the sun touch my face. I take deep breaths and let the mixture of warm day air and cold evening air gush into my lungs and up into my head unwinding and energising my entire body.
I give my thanks for the opportunity to be energised and revived by mother nature herself.
I bid  the park goodbye and look forward for the walk through it the next day